Full Circle
by Lerolain
Summary: Revan left the Republic four years ago, searching for something half remembered, something so terrible she had to go alone. Now she suspects all is not as it seems. LSF Revan, LSF Exile
1. Chapter 1

I own none of this. Of course.

A note on names: You'll note my central character's name is not mentioned. This is a personal preference – I don't connect with other people's names for Revan, so rather than enforce mine on you, I'll leave it open.

I wanted to tell him. One year together, plus the time we spent searching for the Star Forge, and I never knowingly lied to him. But this… this was too much for him to bear. This was almost too much for me to bear. So I closed the door to our apartment resolutely behind me and I ran to the docking bays.

I held back the tears until hyperspace.

XXX

It was a cruel thing to do, I realised. I had taken the coward's way out by not explaining. Perhaps he would realise what I had to do. Perhaps he would think I had run away for a more mundane reason – another man, or unhappiness at my simple life. Perhaps he would think I had returned to the Jedi. Or perhaps he lay awake every night wondering where I was, hoping against all reason that one day I would return.

Time had lost all meaning for me by then. Perhaps he was long dead. I could no longer see or feel any of my friends, and it physically hurt me to try. I didn't think distance mattered to the Force, but in the dark regions of space where I walked the Force was a strange and twisted thing.

I thought a lot about better days.

XXX

Fireworks exploded over the Rakatan Temple. Earlier in the day the Republic pilots had organised a fly-by in their fighters, but now the skies were dark and the pilots were gathered around the fires. Music played, laughter rang out, raised voices and shouts of happiness.

I was torn between relief and pain. Finally, Malak was destroyed, the Star Forge reduced to orbiting dust, my mission complete. But the price had been too high.

_Bastila_…

Her absence gaped like a wound in my side. I had always known her. She had always been part of me. After all, I had been born when Revan died. Bastila was my mother, sister and friend all rolled into one being. And she had fallen to the dark side, and I had killed her. I replayed that conversation over and over in my head, wondering if there was anything I could have done. Everybody can be redeemed, they say, but there was no _time_!

Her things were still packed in a footlocker in our dormitory. Neither Juhani, Mission nor I had had the heart to move them just yet.

But we had won. The Republic was saved. And I had a new life to look forward to.

'Come on already!' called Mission in the doorway. She wore simple clothes, pale brown leggings and a black jacket she had found somewhere. I had grown used to the sight of her in armour, and was surprised how young she seemed to me now. But as always her enthusiasm was infectious. She grabbed my hand and spun me round.

'Where did you find those _clothes_?' she exclaimed.

The white skirt was from the robes I had found on the Star Forge. The bodice had been too damaged to wear again. The grey jacket I wore had been in the cargo bay of the Hawk. It was tight and, I noticed as I looked down, hugged my figure rather fetchingly. I pulled the zip up modestly.

'Oh no you don't,' grinned Mission, tugging it back down. 'Carth's going to _love_ that.'

I blushed.

XXX

Admiral Dodonna stood by a fire a short distance from us with a few of her senior officers. They all seemed to be quizzing Carth carefully. Every so often one of them would glance at me. That stung a little, but I knew I couldn't reasonably ask them to accept me quickly.

As soon as Carth broke away from the group I walked away from my friends to intercept him, before we got caught in a conversation we couldn't politely leave. I caught his arm and we smiled at each other. He knew what I meant.

'Sure you want to leave the party this soon?' he asked.

'We can come back later, if you like.'

'No way, beautiful.'

XXX

It hurt to remember more, but I did. I remembered the beach, the lap of waves on the shore, the tiny tent he'd found from somewhere, the campfire.

My vision blurred. Now was not the time. I watched the Sith pacing before me, and I calmed myself inside. Soon… I could sense it would be soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Caution: there may be fluff in this chapter :)

I climbed back aboard the Ebon Hawk, safe where I had left it hidden away in a cave. T3 beeped a curious whistle at me, but I answered him only with a long look. I'd brought some familiar and comforting things with me, but now it was time to leave them behind, as I'd left so many things before.

XXX

My first view of Narula Fleet Base was through the Ebon Hawk's cockpit window. It reminded me of an arachnid's web, intricate and many layered. Capitol ships hung beside it, attended by scores of smaller vessels flitting like curious insects.

I tightened my hand on Carth's shoulder.

'Home sweet home,' he grinned. We had been travelling for several weeks, going to Coruscant, to Kashyyyk, to Tattooine and to Telos, leaving our friends one by one to their lives. Now we had come here so Carth could take up a commission in the Republic fleet, and so I could try to lead a normal life.

After the aftermath of the Star Forge, I found that all I wanted was some peace and quiet. I wanted to forget I had ever been a Jedi or a Dark Lord. I had left my collection of lightsabers with Juhani on Coruscant and kept nothing that might connect me with the Jedi. Narula Base represented a new start. I looked fondly down at Carth. He was all I needed from my life before.

We hired a private docking bay to berth the Hawk in, and left the droids there. The Hawk seemed eerily empty as I walked down the ramp, giving me a shiver down my spine. I glanced back as the airlock door closed. The ship seemed to be expecting me to come back soon. I shivered, whether with the cold air of the station or some foreboding premonition, I did not know.

XXX

Narula was a busy Fleet station. As well as housing a section of the Fleet itself, a large area of it was devoted to repairs of any damaged Fleet ship in the sector. On the approach from outside, the residential areas had seemed tiny, but inside they were huge. It was easy to forget I was aboard a space station, rather than on a planet.

I did not want to sit at home all day (and what a strange and pleasant feeling it was to be able to say 'home'), so I set about finding employment. I had been trained as a soldier, but that was part of what I was running from. I became a medical orderly, providing the sentient care that medical droids couldn't. And if I occasionally surreptitiously used the Force to speed someone's recovery, it was never noticed.

XXX

I returned home from a long shift one day about three months after our arrival on Narula, tired and hungry. Carth was still working, so I changed out of my uniform and fell asleep on the couch.

I dreamed. I saw the bridge of a Republic ship and looked about for the faces that had become familiar to me recently. But though I felt I knew the people around me, I could not remember ever having met them.

'We are ready, Master,' said a voice from behind me. I turned to see Captain Dorril there. She bowed her head slightly in a quick, birdlike motion. 'All the ships are in position.'

'Send the signal,' I said. 'I want no communication between our ships from now on. Everyone knows the plan. I want the Mandalorian fleet to take the bait.'

'I'll order it, Master Revan.'

I turned back to the holo projector, watching the blips of light that were my fleet forming the pattern I had given them. Revan felt a fierce surge of joy and readiness. Her fists clenched as the battle lines met, living the battle through the Force. Our dual personalities watched through the same eyes, one but yet separate. Revan and I flew with the torpedoes that raked the enemy fleet, basking in the warmth of the fiery splashes on the silvery hulls. We felt the coolant system rupture and the engines overheat. The Mandalorian capitol ship blew apart in a blinding white flash as the reactors went critical. The ship beneath us rocked as the blue corona of the explosion hammered into us.

It woke me. I clutched the side of the couch, fighting nausea. I steadied my shaking hands and thought hard. All I had remembered so far of Revan was the visions that had led Bastila and I to the Star Forge. I didn't want more. But this memory was vivid and real like those visions. I had been there, breathed the cool recycled air of the ship, smelled the light perfume Dorril had worn. I remembered the battle in vivid detail now. Our two capitol ships had blown their waste ports simultaneously, and communications had flown between them screaming of engine failure and sabotage. We launched fighters, who made a great show of chasing down and blowing up unmanned drones. The Mandalorians I knew were hiding in the nearby nebula took the bait. When they got within striking distance we pounced. Their fleet was totally destroyed and we lost only one fighter, a rookie who got too close to the stream of ejected plasma causing his weapons to overheat and explode.

But the joy that Revan had felt in the thick of battle had not been shared. She had been exultant that only one fighter had been lost, but I wanted to weep for him. I remembered it all, but I had been an observer, no more, no different to watching a holovid.

I couldn't sleep any more. I had always known more of Revan's memories might surface, but I feared it too. I wanted to remain the only personality in my body. Yet though this returned memory made me shiver, it also gave me confidence. The woman in the dream had not been me. She was dead. I was alive. I repeated it to myself like a mantra. _She is dead. I am alive_.

Nerves swamped me despite my efforts, and I walked around the small apartment touching things, reassuring myself that I was safe here. I needed to be surrounded by the familiar. When Carth opened the door I threw myself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

He opened his mouth to ask if I was alright, but I forestalled him by kissing him. I wasn't going to lie to him, but I didn't know how to tell him what had happened.

'I'm going to pull double shifts more often if this is the welcome I get,' he said when I let him go. He had that playful look in his eyes that I loved so much, and it relieved my worries. Here in his arms I was safe.

'Just imagine what you'd get for triple shifts,' I teased.

'I could go back – '

'No!'

XXX

Later, lying in bed with the lights down low, I listened to the sound of his breathing as he slept in my arms. Soon I would have to tell him, but I feared seeing again the betrayal in his eyes that had been there after the Leviathan. It had taken me a long time to earn his trust again, and I wouldn't betray it now. But then again, the longer I left it…

'Carth?' I whispered.

'Mmm?'

'Wake up. I have… something to tell you.'

XXX

Back aboard the Hawk I explained to the droids that I was going on alone. T3 gave the long low whistle that I equated with a sigh and HK loudly complained. Reluctantly I gave the voice command that brought his assassin programming to the core and locked away his memory. Pliable now, waiting patiently for me to give him a target, he allowed me to lock him in the small hold. Feeling stupidly sentimental, I kissed his worn metal cheek before I closed the door on him.

I watched the ship leave for Republic space, not blinking until the tiny speck shrank into nothing. After all these years of travelling I finally had a specific destination in mind, but the Ebon Hawk could not go there. I would need transport from this barren world, but it could not be aboard my ship.

I waited days for the Sith to arrive. And then I… disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

I had only one thing with me now that had been with me on Narula. I looked down at the lightsaber in my hand, loathing its unwanted familiarity. It was old, the hilt worn by generations of Sith hands. If I had to have a lightsaber at all, I would have preferred one of the ones I had left in Juhani's care, but this one was fitting.

After all, it was what had led me out here.

XXX

The door chimed brightly, and I opened the door to find a courier there.

He said my name and I nodded that yes, I was she. He put a grey plastic box in my hands, and I signed my name on his dataslate. It was only as he turned to leave that I noticed the blankness in his eyes, the slackness of his jaw.

_Force Persuaded? Here?_

But I thought nothing of it. It must be nothing, I told myself. But when I opened the box I knew better.

Inside, nestled in black velveteen cloth, lay an ornate lightsaber. The hilt was decorated with firewyrms, spiralling about each other. Numb, I took it out, held it in both hands.

'What have you got there?' asked Carth, but I barely heard him. I concentrated, drawing out the blade without thinking.

I nearly dropped it. The blade was black. It drew light into it, casting shadows where a true saber would have illuminated. I screamed.

I had held this before.

XXX

Malak held the door for me and I strode before him into the chamber. The vaulted roof grew into darkness hundred of metres above us. Red panels set into the wall illuminated us faintly. The rasp of my respirator mask was loud in the silence.

'This place…' he stopped, amazed.

'Is ultimate power,' I finished. 'The teachings of the Sith. Artefacts, forgotten Force powers… All here.'

'After you, then. Master.' His tone was not as respectful as I would have liked, and my trust in him diminished slightly. It was not the first such slip.

I strode between the stacks of shelves, touching things at random, trying to take it all in. Malak scampered behind in my wake, muttering.

The stacks opened out onto a circular area, with a mosaic floor that seemed to move in the corners of my eyes. Six black pillars were arranged in a circle, and suspended above each one was a lightsaber hilt, revolving slowly. I reached out for one.

'We are supposed to build our own lightsabers,' said Malak doubtfully.

I turned on him sharply. 'So teach the Jedi,' I snapped. 'But if you had to choose between one of these or your weak stick, which would it be?' I turned back covetously. 'Can't you feel the power in them?' I plucked the saber I had reached for before and it lit in my hand. The blade was black.

I laughed.

XXX

I woke on the floor, fading laughter ringing in my ears. Carth knelt over me, holding me. I clutched the lightsaber so tightly the carvings were imprinted in my hand.

'Are you alright? Don't try to move too quickly.'

I sat up, clinging to him as though drowning. Our eyes met and his face fell

I think he knew then I would be leaving.

XXX

I took the Hawk straight to Malachor V. That was where the lightsaber had come from, and I knew that was where my answers would be. I had expected it to be the empty graveyard I had left behind, but there was someone living there. Her black robed figure came upon me as I walked the Trayus library, searching.

'I am surprised to see you here, Revan. Or should I call you –'

'No!' I cut her off. 'Master Kreia, that name is not appropriate for this place.'

She smiled secretively. 'I always suspected your memories would return, Revan. You were strong. The Jedi could not wipe you away forever. Perhaps I can help you. You are looking for something. Maybe I have the knowledge you seek.'

I wasn't sure I could trust her, but I could be searching the stacks for months. 'You are wrong about me, Kreia. I am not Revan returned. I remember something, some… danger. I am here to find it.'

'And will you tame it, and use it for your own whim?' she asked. She seemed to be weighing me up too.

'I will destroy it if it threatens the Republic.'

'You seek the True Sith Empire then. And make no mistake, the Sith will destroy your precious Republic.' Her words had the ring of a prophecy, but it was not one I could allow to come true if it was in my power to stop it.'You meant to seek it out before your treacherous apprentice betrayed you. You wanted to use its power. It lies far from here. I can't direct you to the exact spot, but I can point you in the right direction.' She shrugged casually. 'How noble of you to sacrifice so much for the Republic.' There was mockery in her tone but I ignored it. Kreia's loyalties and mine lay in different directions. I knew she thought my actions selfless, and didn't approve.

I was silent. I just wasn't sure. Perhaps I needed the help of my Jedi friends.

'Go, Revan. Seek out the True Sith and stop them, before they can ruin all you hold dear. Unless, of course, you _want_ your precious soldier to see another home destroyed, another wife dead in his arms…'

That made my mind up. There had been a lot of doubt in my mind, but she had washed it away. It was at Kreia's insistence that I left Republic space.

XXX

Four years later I sent the Hawk away. I was left near an agricultural settlement on a backwater world beyond the Outer Rim. I had learned that the Sith used it to resupply their fleet. I waited for them to return, and stowed away aboard their ship. I ghosted through their halls unseen, waiting patiently for them to take me to their base. I was not surprised when we dropped out of hyperspace close to Malachor V. My quest for the True Sith had come full circle.

I hid on a shuttle to the surface. I stood in the centre of the Academy and knew I only had to wait.


	4. Chapter 4

I've never been one for quoting reams and reams of game dialogue. So although this chapter contains a partial scene from the game, I've rewritten it the way I thought it should have gone. That's why I love fan fiction!

XXX

I waited on Malachor for six weeks. I survived on stolen rations, hiding in unused tunnels, and spending much of my time conserving my strength in quiet meditation.

I felt Kreia return. The Academy seemed to wake when she set foot in it again. I opened my eyes in the darkness of my hiding place and rose swiftly. I ran through the halls, still cloaked, seeking her.

I found her in the company of a Sith lord, a cracked and burned monster who reeked of pain, and held back. They were speaking, shouting at each other, and as I listened I learned the true scale of her plan.

I had come here for revenge, but I realised now this was folly. There was much more at stake here.

XXX

' – crashed on the surface a few minutes ago.'

The voice jerked me back from my meditation and I pricked up my ears. Two Sith were walking down the corridor toward me, heading for the exit.

'The Master says the woman is not to be harmed.'

'Even if she attacks us?'

'That's what she said.'

'I think the Master asks the impossible. It isn't the Sith way to roll over and die for some greater cause. I will seek this Jedi out, and fight her! And when I defeat her I will challenge the Master. Are you with me?'

Power always attracted the Sith. They wandered away from me still plotting. A Jedi? Coming here?

I went to find Kreia. The Jedi must be coming for her.

XXX

Making the right choices can be hard. I have stood at the crossroads over and over and always chosen the light, even though the decision has not always been easy and I have paid a high price for my actions. The woman who entered the great chamber had that same look that I see in the mirror. I felt kinship with her even before I recognised her.

_She fought in the Mandalorian Wars!_ I realised. I remembered only part of her story, pieced together from Revan's memories and holovids. She had not fallen, but returned to the Jedi to atone for disobeying the Council's wishes. I remembered her as a lively woman, but she seemed to have walked a hard road since then.

I let her and Kreia speak. I didn't understand most of what they had said – obviously, in four years away from the Republic I had missed much. But I understood when the exiled Jedi asked about me. Kreia's answer made my blood boil.

'She seeks the True Sith. She fights a battle she must fight alone. Perhaps you will follow her.' I hated Kreia in that moment, but I knew I could not strike at her in anger, or I would become what I feared most.

The Sith held a lightsaber in her hand, and it thrummed into life. 'Or perhaps you have a different destiny. So, Exile. Let us finish this. Let us put right what Malachor V made wrong.'

I didn't fully understand her plan, though what little I had overheard before set my mind on fire. Destroy the Force? It was finally time to speak up.

I turned off the stealth generator. The field hummed and crackled as it died.

'I can't let you do that, Kreia,' I said. My voice was croaky from lack of use and so the moment wasn't as dramatic as I had hoped. But both women turned in surprise. It hadn't been just the generator that cloaked me. I had used the Force to hide all hint of my presence. Now I was revealed I knew both could sense the power in me.

'Revan.' She greeted me with a small nod. She had been shocked, but she hid it quickly. 'But you must allow it. This is the only way.' Kreia seemed so sure of herself, even faced with two Jedi.

'I can't let you do it either,' said the Exile. She lit both blades of her double lightsaber. They glowed with a bright yellow light. She took up a fighting stance.

'I think Malachor can withstand two more deaths.' Kreia meant to distract us with her words but we were both ready for her attack. My lightsaber was up and blocking her sweep even as she leapt for me. As the dark light of my blade fell on her she screamed and fell back.

'Abomination!'

'I thought it was a tool of the dark side, but I was wrong. The Sith kept it here because it hurts them. Can't you feel it? Draining your power?' I was inventing wildly – and the Exile saw my ruse and attacked Kreia while she was confused.

I had underestimated Kreia. Her blade moved so quickly even I could not follow it and the Exile was forced back. Kreia spared a moment to launch a blistering Force attack on me. She assaulted my mind with images of the destruction of Malachor. I fell to my knees. She knew that where Revan would have taken pleasure in so much death, it seared my soul. And though I could have fought her, her will was stronger than mine.

The Exile was left to fight alone. I was only vaguely aware of the battle. The Exile fought well, but it was not enough. Kreia used the Force to manipulate other lightsabers, hidden in her robe, and now the Exile was facing not one but four opponents. The battle was draining. She tired, and Kreia moved in for the kill.

'Finally, Exile, all my plans are complete. And it's because of you, you know. I have loved you like my daughter. You have been central to my life for so long.' She spoke so fondly and her tone jarred with the situation. 'Now, you can be central to my death as well.'

She raised her lightsaber, intending to cut the Exile's head from her shoulders. But determination blazed suddenly in the Exile's eyes.

She gestured with her hand and I felt my lightsaber tug from my grasp. I let it go.

It flew towards Kreia in seeming slow motion, spinning end over end. The blade came out in mid air and caught the Sith woman full in the back. She cried out briefly in pain, but I barely heard it as the spell on my mind was released.

The Exile and I looked at each other.

She spoke my name – my true name. Hundred of questions bubbled up on my lips but there was no time. The rock above us cracked like lightening and began to fall.

We ran.

XXX

The Ebon Hawk was waiting for us. 'Small galaxy,' I murmured as we ran up the ramp.

We held onto the chairs in the main hold as the pilot executed a very bumpy take off. I closed my eyes and smelled the familiar smells of grease, metal, chemicals and fuel. The danger of escaping the planet's gravity, fleeing the debris field and leaping to hyperspace all passed me by.

But I came round when I heard a familiar voice.

'Joyful Cry: Master! If you were any other meatbag I would have to kill you for abandoning me the way you did!'

'Small galaxy,' was all I could say. I hugged HK. There might no coincidences where the Force was involved, but I felt the Force had a limited imagination. Twice in one lifetime?

The Hawk's new crew crowded around the Exile, clamouring to hear her story. I smiled at the way she fussed over them, answering their shouted questions patiently. I sat out of the hubbub, listening in. I recognised T3 and HK, of course, but I also found a familiar figure in Mandalore. His feelings toward me were clear though. He hoped I wouldn't recognise him, so I said nothing. But it hurt to keep quiet.

Gradually they moved away. There was still a lot to do aboard the Hawk – according to her new pilot she was held together by 'spit and hope'. I was left alone with the Exile, and she came to sit beside me.

'You lost your lightsaber,' she said

'It wasn't mine. Better that it's lost.'

'Why were you there?' she asked. 'Kreia said…'

'The worst mistake I ever made was believing a single word she said.' I sighed, and shifted position uncomfortably. This was hard to admit. I still had my pride and it was severely dented. It took some time to find the right words.

'She tricked me. She sent me Revan's lightsaber, and it sparked… memories. They led me here, and she was waiting for me. She told me about the True Sith Empire, and sent me on my way to fight them, full of righteousness.' A bitter laugh escaped me.

'And you won?'

I began to cry. 'There _is_ no True Sith Empire. Oh, there was – I've spent years digging around dusty ruins for clues. And there will be again – some civilisation will chance on those planets and learn the Sith lore for themselves. But now – right now, there is nothing out there. She sent me away and it took me a long time to realise. I came back to find out _why_. I suppose we both know why now.'

The Exile nodded slowly. 'She didn't want anyone around who might interfere.'

'I thought I was being noble – everything I'd given up was for the Republic – I was _saving_ the Republic, but I wasn't. I needn't have gone.'

'But then you wouldn't have been there at the end. We defeated her together.' The Exile put an arm around my shoulders. 'There are no coincidences. There is only the Force.'

'I sacrificed everything for nothing. I have been a fool.' I let the silence drag out, feeling glad she had nothing to say that would be any comfort. This was not a misery I could easily forget.

'I have a message for you,' she said.

XXX

We limped back to Telos, but the Fleet had already left. The Exile gave the Hawk back to me and her crew scattered. I believe she had a similar wish to me – to find a normal life. Wherever she went, I know she took her pilot with her

I went home.

XXX

Don't you think happy endings are the best kind?


End file.
